 MEN reckon it?s impossible to work out what women want. But it?s not always that easy to understand what?s going on in a chap?s head either ? especially when it comes to the bedroom.
In an attempt to get to the bottom of some of the common conundrums, we asked dating expert MATT DUNN to enlighten us on why men fall asleep after sex and give his insight into the male psyche.
1. WHY FELLAS FALL ASLEEP AFTER SEX
Men don?t actually drop off after they ?cop off? to avoid embarrassing questions from you about where the relationship?s going.
There are much deeper biological forces at work.
In men, orgasm releases prolactin, the same hormone you produce during breast-feeding which, in women, promotes mother/baby bonding and makes you want to cuddle after sex.
It?s also responsible for putting babies to sleep as they suck, so why would a grown-up boy be any different?
Besides, as an ex-girlfriend puts it, any man who doesn?t fall asleep after sex hasn?t put enough effort into it.
2. BED IS THE ONE PLACE WE DON?T WANT YOU TO BE QUIET
Don?t just take my word for it. Rent a movie ? a blockbuster rather than a weepy rom-com.
Then fast-forward to the film?s outstanding action sequence ? maybe the shoot-out in Heat or the opening beach landing scene from Saving Private Ryan ? turn the volume up, and press play.
Impressive stuff, eh? Now watch it again but this time with the mute button pressed on your remote control. Not quite as exciting, is it? There?s a reason why they award an Oscar for Best Sound every year ? the same reason we like you to be vocal between the sheets.
And it?s this: However good the action is, if the soundtrack is poor we might as well fast-forward to the climax.
3. WE DON?T LOVE YOUR BRAZILIAN
We can?t begin to imagine the pain you must go through for it and we certainly don?t want you to hurt yourselves on our behalf.
Ever seen those hairless cats? They?re not the only thing that looks weird naked. Imagine if we did the same ? the phrase ?last turkey in the shop? leaps to mind.
4. WHY WE LIKE PORN
We know you think our fascination with porn is disgusting but don?t assume we like it because we are disappointed with you.
We view it for the same reason we watch Top Gear ? although we drive a Ford Focus, every man still enjoys looking at the Ferraris, though we?d be scared stiff to drive one.
5. YUMMY MUMMIES
It?s official ? older women are sexy. From Sex And The City?s Samantha to, well, all of the Desperate Housewives, more men are falling for the allure of mature women.
We?re beginning to realise that, in bed, there?s no substitute for experience. So as far as we?re concerned, there?s no ?wrong? side of 40 anymore. Nowadays we like you with a few lines ? and not just of the ?chat up? variety.
6. DELAYING TACTICS ? THE REAL REASON FOR THAT FARAWAY LOOK
Ever wondered why occasionally in bed we?re not quite all there ? mentally, I mean?
That?s probably because we?re thinking of someone else. Eleven other people, in fact.
But don?t be offended ? it?s actually a bit of a compliment.
Because there are times when we might be so turned on by you that we?re worried about being a little, ahem, premature.
We don?t want to disappoint and distracting ourselves by mentally running through our football team?s line-up is a good way to ensure we can go the distance.
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